Conversation with a Older Lady in the Hotel Fitness Center

Her: "Good Morning."

Me: "Yes, it is I suppose."

Her: "Did you sleep okay?"

Me: "Yes, ever since I tried Heath Ledger's Ambien cocktail I have not had a bit of trouble with insomnia."

Her: "Really?"

Me: "No, I'm just being a silly goose and answering you in ways that I feel might thwart you from asking more questions because I am anti-social, I also have self worth issues and can not make a relationship with a woman last, am such a people pleaser that I have almost convinced myself that I like some people, and am now seriously addicted to treadmills and Subway's Ham and Turkey Sandwich on Wheat bread with pepper jack cheese, jalapenos, spinach and just a touch of mustard.  All in all I am not a good conversationalist on Saturdee mornings."

Her: "Uh okay, do you want my treadmill?"

Me: "Alas my dear ole dame I would love to have it but this morning I am relegated to the stair master.  For the only true way to get in shape is to ah hell what do I know, thanks anyway but I ran on the treadmill last night."

Her: "Can I ask you a personal question?"

Me: "As long as you do not bring up the unfortunate incident in 1994 with carpet cleaning poducts and some neighborhood kids being silly.  Truth be told I have not seen my dignity since."

Her: "You are disturbed but kinda funny.  The question is are you supporting Barrack Obama for president?"

Me: "Does my white guilt show that much?"

Her: "You are just of the age that I figured you were."

Me: "I am so white that the other day I was wearing a short sleeved shirt and this lady thought I had on a white undershirt."

Her: "You are avoiding the question."

Me: "I am good at closing my eyes and praying that certain people and things go away."

Her: "why are your eyes closed?"

Me: (To myself) "Fa la la go to a happy place.  Like that time that you got into the dental hygenist student party.  How wonderful, too bad they asked you to leave huh stupid?"